“I Hate My Teacher!”
By Elizabeth Pantley
You just started a new school year, and already your child is complaining about his teacher. What should you do?
Think about it. Don’t immediately assume there’s a problem. Many children complain at the start of a new year because the teacher is making them work after a summer of leisure or because they’ve overheard negative comments about the teacher. Give the relationship some time, and encourage your child to focus on his friends and schoolwork and let the relationship with the teacher develop. Let your child know that if he’s polite and a good listener, he can make the best of the situation.
Teach. Present the attitude that it’s normal for people to have differences, that differences can usually be worked out and that it’s more productive to try to make things work than to complain about them. Don’t make negative comments about the teacher to your child, since this just validates your child’s complaints and takes away any incentive to work on the relationship. Ask helpful questions to determine the reason your child dislikes his teacher. It may be a specific issue or a general personality clash. Through discussion with your child, you can often pinpoint the real problem and can then try to find a solution.
Get closer. Get involved at school so that you can spend some time in the classroom, even for a short period of time. Having a first-hand look can often give you some valuable information about the teacher and her relationship with your child.
Have a plan. If there is a specific problem, don’t rush in to fix it without thinking it through and having a plan. First, outline the reasons you feel there is a problem and describe the situations that have occurred. Next, try to come up with some possible solutions. Set an appointment with the teacher and present the information in a calm, non-accusatory manner.
Get help. If you have tried working with your child and met with the teacher and the problem still exists, it may be time to reach for more help. First, understand that if the problem is a minor one, you can make it worse by focusing on it (making a mountain out of a molehill!). If you feel that the problem is interfering with your child’s schoolwork or is affecting his emotional development, those are good reasons to seek help. Schools respond best if you move up the hierarchy; in other words, don’t approach the district superintendent unless you’ve worked with the teacher, the school counselor and principal with no positive results. Use the steps outlined in Solution #3 as you approach each person for help.
Should you change schools? Move your child to a new classroom or a new school only as a last resort. Doing so could send a message to your child that he is not capable of solving problems or that something is wrong with him. It also may teach your child to run away from problems. If the problem is so severe that you have no choice but to move your child, write a specific letter of complaint to the district superintendent so that any other children will be spared the same problem.
© Elizabeth Pantley; excerpted with permission from Perfect Parenting, The Dictionary of 1,000 Parenting Tips
Parenting educator Elizabeth Pantley is the author of numerous parenting books, including the widely cited The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night. Buy her books at Powells.com. She is a regular radio show guest and is quoted frequently on the web and in national family and women’s publications. Elizabeth lives in Washington state with her husband, their four children and her mother. Visit her at www.pantley.com/elizabeth.
